Dark side made me do it

Dark side made me do it

Monday, December 27, 2010

So I guess I have learned a bit in the last year and a half at the Alive.

I arrived tonight at Alive to get some sweat in, it was been a hard week so the hamster wheel just was not going to cut it, I needed to work hard and not think about the last week or so. When you are on the hamster wheel there is a lot of time to think, this is not what I needed. Damir had just left and I decided that I would try to put something together that would make me sweat hard. As I changed into my workout gear I made a plan in my head. I would do interval training on my own.

So this is what decided to do for the first 45mins or so:

1. 3:00mins combo on the heavy bag

2. 45 sec wall squat

3. 3:00mins Hamster wheel with an incline of 10 at a 2.7 speed

4. 45 sec Burpees (yes I did burpees without being told to do them)

5. 1:00min rest

I repeated this 6 times

It was awesome my heartbeat was in my head the whole time, after the 4th set I want to stop and take a break, but I thought would Damir let me stop ... no I don`t think so, I pushed on. As I did I felt the like I was going to vomit and I new I was working hard When the timer said that I had finished I still want to keep going, but I wanted to change it up a bit.

Then I changed it up and this is what I end with:

1. 2:00 combo on the heavy bag

2. 45secs wall squat

3. 45secs Trx Rows

4. 2:00 hamster wheel on 0 incline at 2.8 speed

5. 45Sec Dirty Burpees

6. 1:00 min rest

I repeated this 4 times

It was a great feeling to know that I could actually come up with a Great workout on my own. It was awesome; I know that I could push myself pretty hard. I do believe that although I push myself it is not the same as when Damir is pushing me. He can push me beyond my limits! I can only get close to the limit line but without him there to push me over the edge I just won’t go there.

People have made this comment to me on more than once in the last few months, ``you have been doing this for over a year now do you really still need a trainer`` to this I always say if you have never trained with a trainer you don’t understand they do more than just teach you what to do, they take things to the next level, always raising the bar! I although I could put together a workout where I sweated my ass off, I need Damir there to kick me over the line and make me do stuff I never thought I could do and point me in the right direction!!

It is nice to not be sick anymore, it was a long week !!

Friday, December 24, 2010

"Pain is temporary, Pride is forever"

"Pain is temporary, Pride is forever"

With 2010 coming to an end and my Birthday around the corner I am reflecting on what an amazing year it has been. Looking back at 2010 I am in surprised at what I was able to achieve in only one year. 2010 started with me not sure how I was going to reach my first goal of 100lbs down before June. At first I was very cocky as I came out of the holidays with a weight loss and not a gain. I was cocky because I lost weight while I started to slip with the food. In full addict style I thought I could eat what I wanted as long as I worked hard at the gym. My weight loss stalled and I slipped deeper into my food addiction. This went on until the middle of March this was tough time. Damir I am sure frustrated with my attitude, we started to have a very different kind of workout, we did weeks of cardio on the hamster wheel. It was very hard on my body, because we were pushing so hard, and I was eating crap my body gave out and I started to get a cold, which quickly turned into pneumonia. The doctor made it very clear I was not going to get better unless I stop working and training & rest so my body would heal. So I was stuck at home for 2 weeks to recover. This was a very telling time, with time away from Alive and work gave me time to heal and think about how hard I was really making it on myself.

In order to keep my weight in check while I was not working out I need to eat very carefully. Coming back to Alive in April I had a better control of my addiction and I was eating better six days out of week, that is when Holly and Damir told me I could still make it to 100lbs down by June if I eat as clean as possible and step up the cardio. 37 lbs in 7 weeks, I first thought it was impossible. But I put my doubts aside after my first training session with Damir, right after our meeting. Damir Kicked my ass to the extreme, and then put me on the treadmill and said don’t get off before you have walked on the treadmill for an hour. I did it, I was able to work out for two hours and I did not die. So from there I just committed to myself that nothing was going to stop me.

June came and I was able to do it I lost 100lbs in my first year, it came right down to the wire, but I was able to do it. I have heard this saying at a weight watchers meeting , “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” now I don’t know if that is true or not as Skinny I have not been in a very long time, however I can honestly say nothing feels more awesome then realizing that you have lost a 100 lbs!! I wish I could tell you when I first realized that or when I first felt proud at what I have accomplished. But it was not a one day you feel it kind of thing! Hard to believe maybe, but for me it was when I over heard some talking about their weight, then it hit me,I lost what they weigh, as much weight as another person weighs! That is when I realized that I am in a very exclusive club, over 100 lbs of weight loss!!

Now, I don’t deal well with success, it was not until a very close friend for mine pointed out that it is ok to be successful. That Pride is not an evil thing. I work very hard and I should be proud of that. Pride is not being cocky, pride is very good thing. Fearing success is not a normal way to live. So I have embraced this and I want take this to the next level.

Looking back at 2010 I did what some said could not be done; I hit the 130lbs down mark! I now know that I can take this to the next level. In 2010 I broke the 400lb barrier! Now I am going to challenge myself to do another thing some say can’t be done! I am going to break the 300lb barrier before the end of the summer! Time to put everything I have learned to the test. Time to step it up! I know if I can hold it together with the food I can make this goal! Like many Great people have said in the past "Pain is temporary, Pride is forever"

Thursday, November 11, 2010


Sorry that it has taken over a month to write in my blog. I had allot of head shit I need to deal with. It all started about 3 weeks ago, I forgot why I was on this weight loss journey and I lost my way. I was in a lot of pain and began to think the pain was not worth it. So I just let a few things go little by little I started to slide backwards. I was still going to alive, I just didn’t have my heart in it and I did not push myself to 100%. Damir was on vacation, but I don’t think it was that he was not there that I stumbled. I am sure if he was there it would not have gone on for two weeks, he would have called me on it sooner. I believe everything happens for a reason, so while Damir was gone I learned some important things about myself. The first was that if I stop, even for a short time the weight comes back! The second is that although I still need Damir’s help I can pick myself back up when I do slip. The third is that if I feel myself slipping I need to ask for help. Before Damir came back I had already started back on the right road, giving it 100% at Alive and with the food.

So much has happened since my last blog entry I gained 11 pounds and lost 6 of those pounds. I can now hold a plank of 40 seconds. Kristy was chosen for a wonderful gift, which she worked really hard for. I am so proud of her.

I had some very awesome workout in the last month; Damir was away, so Ryan and I trained with Clayton for a few weeks. That was a lot of fun; he is very motivating and very loud. He pushed me even when I was not giving it my all. His style is different from Damir’s, but it was awesome. I would recommend Clayton, he is an awesome trainer and I am sure I will train with him again.

My regular kickboxing partner has been away so I have been going with Colleen and Jamie. They are very good partners. Last Saturday Colleen and I were partners in Damir’s Kickboxing class, my arms were very sore from my training session with Damir on the Thursday before, during the one of our Combo Stations I dropped the pads to take a rest & we got caught by Damir! He said 10 Burpees now, we drop and did them. At the next station Colleen Accidently kicked me in the nuts; we did not stop with the combo as did not want to have to do more burpees. If you have ever been Colleen partner you know how hard she kicks, I am getting teary eye just remembering.

I wanted a change, so as you can see in the Picture above I have cut my Hair!! Also I have decided to do a video blog on facebook so look to see my weekly updates there as well.

Monday, October 11, 2010



It was a very great weekend; it was a nice way to end my vacation. Kristy and I spent Saturday and Sunday at Kristy’s Dads place. It was nice hang out there and playing cards and relax. Kristy’s Step Sister Tammie, Barry and their girls were down from Edmonton. Kristy’s family were very supportive of my weight loss journey. Tammie made it very easy for me to make it through Thanksgiving weekend without slipping on the food this weekend. It is very easy to fall off the wagon at a social event like this. She made sure I stuck to eating healthy; in fact everyone there was very helpful. This is how I was able to weigh in today without gaining. I don’t usually weigh in on a Monday; Friday is my weigh in day. I want to make sure I made it through the weekend making the right choices. So on Friday when I accidently forgot to weigh in, it was an opportunity for me to use that as an incentive to stick to it over the weekend.

I have had a great month on my weight loss journey; I have been very consistent with my weigh in. always a weight loss, in fact I think September has been the best month for consistency since I started. Everything is going well. So why am I so afraid? It is like I am looking around for the other shoe to drop.

Maybe I am freaked out because I will be training with a different personal trainer for the next few weeks. In the last 16 months other than classes, and 1 session that I did with Ben last thanksgiving, I have trained with only Damir. Now I understand why Kristy used to get messed up a bit when Ben was away. I am concerned that while Damir is gone that I won’t lose any weight. Don’t get me wrong I am looking forward to training with Clay, I am just nervous I guess

Or maybe it is the fact that when things are going well I never feel comfortable. This has been the most success I have had, 125 pounds down. I am not used to the feeling of doing something well consistently.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Double Blog Week

Double Blog Week

I named tonight Training Session “Walking tomorrow may have to be optional”

Not sure how Damir will be able to outdo tonight’s workout, well maybe I am little scared of what it might be. I knew we were in trouble when we were leaving and Damir Says something like “see ladies I am not carrying any equipment, how hard could it be” At first I thought he has kettle bells in his truck since we were walk to it. Nope, nothing in the truck. So as we started to drive to the mystery workout I started to panic. I was thinking the worst. We started to drive up this very large and steep hill, I was freaking out that we would be running up it. But he stop all of a sudden, half way up the hill. That's when I saw the set of stairs from hell. Ryan took off running up the stairs and I started up behind him. The stairs seemed to go on forever. I climbed and climbed and climbed, finally I was at the top, as I turn to go down, there was Ryan lapping me. Down, down, and down I went at the bottom was Damir with that crazy smile on his face, back up he said. Now as I am going back up I start to think, how the hell I am going to do this for an hour. As I got half way up Ryan lapped me again, and I could see from the look on his face he was thinking the same thing. I get to the top again and start back down, that is when I notice Ryan’s going down the stairs with his feet kind of on an angle, turn my feet and go down the same way and it is easier. As I get to the bottom I take a second to catch my breath, as there is an old guy coming down the stairs. As I start back up the stairs the old guys says to me “have a little more enthusiasm” I head back up and I think to myself shut up asshole! Now Ryan is lapping me near the start. I climb back up to the top, my legs are burning like crazy, heart is pounding and I can’t catch my breath. I get to the bottom and see there is another guy coming down the stairs, I turn to Damir and ask if I should wait for him to get all the way down to the bottom, he said last time you have to go up. so I head up, I pass the guy coming down and he says “I take these stairs two at a time this is easy” I just shake my head and keep going up to the top. As I turn to go down I say to myself wow that hour went fast. At the bottom Damir says get in the truck we are done the first part. I am pretty sure I did a few more sets of stairs in between the old guy and the other guy coming down the stairs.... it was a blur.

As I get catch my breath in the truck I look at the clock on the radio and is says 5:18 I think to myself now what, I hope he is not driving us to a bigger set of stairs. The truck comes to a stop at a park, as we get out of the truck I am thinking oh shit here comes the burpees. Nope, no burpees, we follow this bike path a little ways, and that is when I see a hill steeper then “ the hill of hell” Damir gives us the instructions to walk or jog down the winding hill to the bottom when we reach the bridge turn around and come back up. Ryan takes off running down the hill, I pop my ear buds from my iPod in my ears and I start to walk and jog, and walk and jog down the hill. It was very steep and felt like it went on forever. I reach the bridge and head back up the hill at the half way point Ryan is about to lap me, but he doesn’t, he touches my back and head back down towards the bridge. That is when realize that he has to keep doing this until we I get to the top. So I start jogging so he doesn’t have to go back down again. I make it to the top with Ryan only touching once. Ryan and I do the hill one more time.

At the top after the second time up the hill, I think wow we must be done, that is when Damir says lets go we have one more stop. We jump in the truck and he drives a little bit and we stop at another set of stairs, this time we are at the top. It is a wonderful view of the down town skyline. The stairs are not as steep and but seem to go on quite a ways down. Ryan is told to run the stairs as many time as he can, while I do them twice. Ryan and I pound off the stairs, and we head back to the truck. As I got into the truck Damir Jokes "it is getting harder and harder to get in my truck isnt it" Ryan and I spent the an hour together in this session, and I think we only said 3 words to each other. It was that intense. It was so intense I don’t know if we will be able to walk tomorrow..... We shall see.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


My body is a Changing

I have mention in the past how my upper body changed dramatically from week to week. An example of this was how my nipples would move on my chest week to week. Now my body has much a different look and feel to it. To start with losing the amount of weight I have lost, my skin has started to hang. Before I had I was big and round. Now I am kind of a pear shaped, with a lot of hang skin. I have weird folds of skin hang on my back when I stand up straight. So when I am kickboxing I sometime can feel it wiggling as I punch. The folds of skins hang off my legs feels weird when I run on the treadmill. When I walk it is not as noticeable, but running feels totally funny. My tummy that hangs down in front of me is called an apron. My apron is starting to have skin hanging on it as well. It also moves around allot more. When I do squat jumps in really flops up and slam down on my thighs. It makes them very hard to do. I finally can almost do jumping jacks, but with the apron not being as full as it was, when I tried to jump opening my legs it came slamming down on man parts so I can’t do the as it was like getting kicked in the nuts over and over again. So I had to let Damir know I can’t do that anymore. Gravity is a bitch.

I have made it into the 300’s. I weighed in last Friday at 399 that was an awesome feeling. The last month or so I have consistently lost 2 to 3 pounds a week. Although September it has been a more stressful month than most, I was able to pull though and lose the weight. As time goes on I am realizing that no matter what comes up if you stick to the plan as much as you can and do the work you can lose the weight.

A few weeks ago a driver came into work that has not been at the Wal-Mart in as very long time. He asked “what happen to the really big guy with the red Mohawk? Did he quit” I said no he is still here; it was me I lost over a hundred pounds. He was stunned; I don’t think he believed that it was me. That was a weird experience to have someone not recognizes me. It felt very good.

My workouts this week have been awesome. I have been pushing myself on the hamster wheel and not wining as much in my training sessions and classes. The pain is still there I am just pushing through it. Tuesday’s circuit may not have had a giant tire in me, but it was a very intense. Damir is in one of his crazy kick ass moods this week. There was a line in a TV. Show this week that best describes what it was like. It went something like this, he didn’t just kick Ryan and I ass, and he sprayed our ass with pledge and wipe the studio with it!!!

Saturday, September 25, 2010



The last few weeks I have learned more about myself and my weight loss journey then I have the in a long time. The first big thing that became clear to me is there are signs that my life style has completely changed. The biggest was how I now deal with stress. The last few weeks my stress level has been very high, from all aspects of my life. I dealt with the stress by diving into exercise, pushing hard on the hamster wheel and I did a few extra circuit training workouts on my own. I would love to say that I made it through the stress without turning to food but that would be a lie. I had a few weak moments, had some chocolate and 2 snack size bags of chips, however I did not binge. In fact there was a week there where my exercise log was at 12.5 hours. Turning to exercise to help with my stress was an awesome feeling.

The second big sign that my lifestyle has changed is that I can do allot more than I think I can. In the last week Damir has pushed me very hard! This week workouts have been an eye opener, the first thing that stands out is the amount of squats I did, the heavy weights I lifted, doing and enjoying Ben’s boot camp, going from lying on the ground to standing up using the TRX in Ben’s boot camp and that I ran on the treadmill at the highest setting I have ever done. So many big moments this week it was awesome.

Moving on, this week the biggest loser started and, I had a much different time watching the season premiere this year. It went like this right from the start, when they weighed in the guy would step on the scale and his weight would be 460 or so and I would think in my head I wish I was 460 and then a few minutes later it would hit me wait a sec I am much smaller than that. We would watch some more, and then some else would weigh in around 430 and I would again think I wish was I 430 then again a few minutes later it would hit me wait a sec I am much smaller than that. This is the first time I watched the season premiere and I was smaller the most of the guys in the ranch.

As I did break a few rules from my pledge so I will have to start limiting down the number of Coke Zero I have in a day, so I can attempt to go a month without it. Also I have done a few sets of burpees for negative self talk. I am going to reboot my pledge on Monday and going to give it all I can to try and make it to November following it.

Very soon I will be saying good bye to the 400’s and Next time I check in hopefully I will be in the 300’s! It is going to be an awesome few weeks coming up!!

Monday, September 6, 2010

The pledge

The pledge

It has been a tough couple of months although I have lost weight; I have not yet broke 400lbs. Also I have been just getting by staying on my food plan. So I am looking to make a change. Holly has inspired me, by going so long without sugar. I need to challenge myself to do better! So I think I need to pledge make a change and step it up a bit. So this is what I am going to do.

The rules

1. I will only eat Holly and Damir approved food for 60 days. From September 07 to November 07 (with only 2 exception I will continue to drink Coke Zero and on Sunday I can have 4 pieces of bacon.)

2. I will keep my food log up to date 100% of the time. Anyone at anytime can ask to see it, if it is not up to date I will have to do 15 burpees right there. So if I put it in my mouth I must log it. (Kristy, Meghan, Jen and Kim get your mind out of the gutter)

3. No Negative self talk! One of my biggest issues is negative self talk. If I am caught doing negative self talk I must do 15 burpees

4. I must do 5 hours of Cardio on top of my training and Classes a week.

If I break the first rule I will give up coke zero of a month, and I am sure Damir will have a fitness consequence. Damir and Holly may add or change any of the rules if they see fit.

I am 9 pounds from breaking 400lbs and 49 lbs from my Christmas goal. It may have taken me a year to lose the first 100lbs it will not take me a year to lose the second 100. Time for me to stand up and finish what I have started!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Things you never want to hear from your Personal Trainer

Things you never want to hear from your Personal Trainer

“If You Stop there will be consequences”

I have learned this the hard way. I was doing push presses above my head for 3:00 minutes at 2:50 I put them down and Damir was a little pissed and said were going to it until you reach 3:00 minutes get them back up there. Which I did and it was very hard, but I push through and finished. To this day I always have that in the back of my head; he says do something and I do it without thinking. Once I was getting changed in the locker room and he was training a client outside the locker room door, he Said “let’s go squat” to his client, and I automatically squatted while trying to get dressed. Yes I am well trained

“Today you will be doing only 3 upper body exercises over and over as many set’s as we can get in the next hour”

Translation: tomorrow you will be drinking your morning coffee through a straw because there is no way you will be able to lift that cup to your lips!

“This is going to hurt, but you can do this”

Translation: when we are done, you will be laying in the corner in the crying for your mommy!

“This week all your sessions will be on the treadmill”

Translation: you will puke many times this week and there will be crying in the shower!

“Come on now this is easy! Let’s Go”

Translation: move your ass or I will break out many burpees!

“Pain is weakness leaving your body”

Translation: I don’t care if it hurts! No stopping or there will be consequences

“Come on Brian! You’re using the girl weights”

Translation: the weights are not that heavy, move faster, stop whining like a little girl, Brianna!!

“This is the last time you will have to do this............., until the next set ha ha ha!!”

Translation: yes I will lie to your face to get better results!!!

“This is going to be an awesome workout; I just finished my second XL Timmy’s coffee”

Translation: Oh Shit this is going to hurt.... and there will be Blood, sweat and tears!!

Things you never want to tell your Personal Trainer

“I am going partying tonight; I won’t be at kickboxing class in the morning”

This is not a good idea as when you say something like that all he is thinking about is all the crap you are about to put in your body! He has your phone number, so there will be a wakeup call in the morning, and like we you are told to do something in the gym, your body will automatically get you moving towards the gym for that Class! I have seen this on more than one occasion, where someone who has stated the night before that they will not be there. Saturday morning comes and they get the wakeup call and they come in, still a little drunk, to do the morning Saturday classes.

“I am in a shitty mood!”

This is wrong on so many levels, but sometimes it is needed to be said, but when you do be prepared for an awesome asskicking! As they are going to beat that bad mood out of you!

To be continued.............

Monday, August 23, 2010

Day in the life of Brian

Day In The Life

My day starts around 5:30am. I say around 5:30 because well it depends what kind of workout I had the night before. If it was a session with Damir, Kristy usually needs to peel me out of bed. It is Thursday morning so I awake while Kristy is in the shower. As I hear the water from the shower I lay there in bed and think about last night workout. It is funny how much things change, before I started at alive the first thing I would think about was what I was going to make for dinner that night and what I was going to have from MacDonald’s for lunch. After starting at alive I my first thoughts were oh my what will I be allowed to eat today. But in the last three months or so my first thoughts are about what workout I did the night before.

Last night’s workout was Damir’s kickboxing boot camp. It was awesome! My regular Wednesday night partner was back from a few weeks off. So last night’s workout was very intense. A good regular kickboxing partner is like having a great dance partner. They know where your punches are going to land, they know when you need encouragement to go faster and harder. They know when to hold the pads lower when you kick so you can catch your breath and they know when to hold them up higher to push you a little harder. If flows beautifully, without missing a beat. Also my partner, Lisa is much taller than me so I get a great workout on both sides, with the pad and with the gloves.

As I hear Kristy turning off the water, that is my queue to start moving. As I put my feet down on the ground to stand up, I take a deep breath in. As I stand up I can feel the pain fire up and down legs. Once I am up I lean back into the bed, hands down as I take some of the weight of my legs as I stretch. This is a morning routine that will help me get moving. I don’t remember what is was like to get out of bed without pain in my legs. As I start moving the pain fires up and down my legs even more.

As I grab my lunch, gym bag and the shake Kristy made for me earlier and I head to the bus stop. As I walk to the bus stop I put my ear buds in my ears and start blasting my favourite playlist on my Iphone. Now my legs are feeling a little better. As I get to the bus stop I pop open my shake and finish it as I wait for the bus. The bus ride is always the same I start preparing myself mentally for the day. I repeat to myself I won’t buy any chocolate on my way into work today. I am strong I will not do it. On rough morning I change my Iphone background to Damir or Holly’s picture to help me focus. I get off the bus and walk across the Wal-Mart parking lot I can feel the anxiety of walking in the doors, going past all the junk food. I take one more deep breath and head in. I walk by the crap with my head down, repeating you are strong don’t do it. I make it to the stairs and I proudly climb them one stair on foot at a time. There was a time I took them one stair two feet, but now I just walk up them with a good pace.

My Job at Wal-Mart is semi physical and very repetitive. The rest of the day is very safe food wise, first because I won’t go back on the sales floor until I leave. Second today is Thursday so there won’t be any free food in the staff lounge today. They do have free doughnuts or cake (when someone leaves), and pizza from time to time, but that mostly only happens on a Fridays so I am pretty sure today is safe.

Things go well until I am about to leave, then I start worrying I won’t be able to make it out of here without buy some chocolate or potato chips. After I punch out and head down the stairs I am in full panic mode, bad thoughts start filling my head, stuff like, you are going to work very hard today you can have a little chocolate. It will be ok. Go for it. I stop off at the pharmacy and pick up a protein bar and head for the front tills. By now my heart is pounding as I get closer to the till and the impulse rack by the till. As I get to the till I grab a coke zero out of the cooler and a Ferrero Rocher 3 pack off the impulse rack and go though the till. As I walk across the parking lot to the bus stop I pop open my coke zero and take a drink. I reach the bus stop bench and sit down. I pull out the Protein Bar and the Ferrero Rocher and I stare at them both weighing out which one I am going to eat. I put the Ferrero Rocher back into my gym bag and I open the protein bar. As I eat the protein bar a car with some teenagers goes by, they see me eating and roll down there window and make a derogatory statement towards me about my weight (I wish I could say this doesn’t happen very often, but it does most days) that is when I pop my ear buds in my ears and start my afternoon playlist on my Iphone. The bus ride to Alive is very awesome; as I sit on the bus I can feel the stress of the day peel off me. I start getting excited as it is Thursday, a training day with Damir. Thursday’s workout is like a last chance workout with Damir before I weigh in for the week. So I start think what is it going to be today! A crazy circuit outside with a giant tire, ropes and sled, or will it be the Hill of Hell or maybe a crazy circuit inside Alive with Kettle bells, Trx, and me pulling Ryan, Damir and Sam up the hallway. I get off the bus and head to Alive. As I cross the parking lot to alive I checkout the park across the street. I see no tire so I don’t think we are going outside.

As I open the door to Alive Sam says Hi Brian. I smile and see Damir sitting beside her. I say hi and open my bag and hand Damir the Ferrero Rocher. He smiles and opens them right away and pops one in his mouth. I tell him I am upset I even bought them. He says do not be so hard on yourself, yes you bought them, but you didn’t eat them. I get changed into my workout gear, Sam helps me put on my ankle brace. My Training Partner and best Friend Ryan arrives, fist bumping me on his way to the locker room. As Ryan gets changed I notice that Damir is bouncing off the walls! I know today is going to be intense.

We are staying inside, Damir explains the first Circuit. Stairs will be first for me, three sets up three flights. Next will be pushing Damir up the hallway and back. After that the lap pull down, and then it’s off to the medicine ball slam. Repeat.

So I start the up the stairs, up three flights and down. At the bottom I turn right around and head up right away and head back up. As I am starting my third set Damir check in with me and say let’s go, so I head back up the stairs, as I come down I came feel my heart pounding in my chest. As I reach the ground floor, Damir is waiting at the door. I stop to catch my breath, so Damir can put sliders under his feet, but he doesn’t. He just says Come on. He is facing me, as I put my hands on his shoulders; I begin to think this is going to be easy! I weigh at least twice as much as him. I start to push and he starts pushing back. It is every hard, he fights me for every inch like we are playing football. As we go down the hall I am thinking man he is one tuff son of a bitch. As we get to the end, I think I will get to catch my breath and I am wrong he immediately grabs me and we go back up the hall. I move over to the Lap pull down and start right away. My heart is pounding in my head and I can barely count as I pull down. I pound out the lap pull down, Damir see it was too easy and gives me a heavier weight for next time. I head over to the ball slam and start slamming it down, my heart is in the back and the front of my head and I lose count. I call it ten and pound though the next 20. As I finish the ball slam, Damir says I want us to get though this 3 more times. Take a small breather we will start again. By the time we get though the next 3 set, my legs feel like jelly, I have vomited in my mouth twice and my arms are just pulsing. As we finish I look over at Ryan and he has a pretty big sweat mark on his shirt. I look down and see mine is just as big. Damir say Cardio Brian. So I head over to the hamster wheel and start walking. Ryan joins me. We walk of another 30 minutes. We hop off and Ryan heads back down to the gym to stretch. I pull off my brace and head for the shower.

As we head to subway for dinner, Ryan and I talk a little, not much, because we are exhausted from our session with Damir. After dinner Ryan drops us off. I feed the cats, grab a coke zero and melt away in my chair to watch a little TV. Kristy begins to fall asleep, so I suggest we hit the hay. Kristy agrees and heads up the stairs. I sit a few minutes longer. To give her time to get into bed so I am not in her way. As I stand up my legs are so stiff. Exhausted I climb the stairs slowly. I plug in my Iphone in to charge for tomorrow and crawl in to bed next to Kristy and immediately fall asleep.

So this is an average Thursday in my life. I choose Thursday because it is the hardest day of the week for me. My work day is very busy and my workouts with Damir are insane.

Progress on my fitness goal this month is going well. I have done on of Ben’s Crazy Boot camp Saturday classes and plan to do this Saturday’s class as well. The hill of hell I have not yet been able to do as I have been rained out and smoked out as well. However on Friday I did Damir’s “Wheel of hell” program on hamster wheel for two hours, and he said that could count as doing the hill. Friday I hope to do the hill and I don’t think anyone is going with me yet. So if you want to join me let me know.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Hero I am not!!

Hero I am not!

I know I have done well in the past year. I worked very hard on my weight loss journey. In last few weeks a few people have said that I am their hero, because of what I have done. I know this may sound weird to you but, this is the truth about how I feel when someone says that to me. I am no hero, a hero saves people from burning building, serves in the military, is a cop, or spends there life helping others. I am a just like everyone else who is on a weight loss journey, I struggle with food every single day; I never have a day where I don’t think about eating a chocolate bar or a bag of chips. I wish I could say I never eat that shit any more. But truth be told, I have caved more times than not, and eat that chocolate bar or enjoy a bag of potato chips. As I walk into work every day, I walk past the chocolate bar and potato chips, and say to myself please let me get out of here without buying this crap! Hero I am not!

Last night I came across my old “bucket list”, it was very sad. It only had places I wanted to eat, dishes I want to cook on it. Now that I have changed my life, it has changed big time. Here are my top 12 items

1. Play full contact football.

2. Bungee Jump or sky dive (this is what I want to do when I reach my goal)

3. Learn to drive

4. Play a pickup game of basketball

5. Photograph a beautiful nude woman

6. Ride a horse

7. Eat a Nathan's chilli cheese hot dog ( in new York, and Holly I know this is not in my food plan..in fact it may be all the calories for the day. LOL )

8. Learn to skate

9. Play softball

10. Run a 5k

11. Climb the steps of the Calgary tower

12. Take my shirt off on a hot day and look good

Although they may change in the future, this is what I am going to focus on now.

This month I have challenged myself to do the “hill of Hell” twice without Damir and to Do Ben’s awesome boot camp class twice as well. So far I have done Ben’s Class. It was awesome!! I am doing the hill on Friday and Ben’s Class again on the 28th. If you would like to do Ben’s Class with me on the 28th or the hill next week with me just send me a message.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

one of his crazy “Satan little helper” moods

One of his crazy “Satan little helper” moods

Today was an awesome day food and fitness wise. Somehow when I was going through the till at Wal-Mart on the way out I ended up with a bag of potato chips in my bag. I did not pick them up I think it was the person in front of me who had a whack of them on the belt in front of me, somehow I ended up with one not realizing it. While I was waiting for the bus I went into my shopping bag to get my Coke Zero and saw the chips. It was a long bus ride to Alive. My mind could not stop thinking about the chips in my shopping bag the whole bus ride. I was close to eating them. But I dug deep and did not eat them. Instead I told my trainer Damir to take them, and he did.

As I got off the bus I look at the time on my Iphone, 4:16, I turned on my music and walked up the block to Alive. I looked again as I opened the door to head in and it said 4:19. Wow it took only 3mins to walk from the bus. As I got my shorts and t-shirt on I smiled as I thought how far I have come. I know I have talked about it before, I just can’t wrap my head around that it took 15mins the first time I walked up that street to alive.

Tonight’s workout was in the park, across from alive, as my training partner Ryan and I walk across the parking lot we could see what Damir had planned for our hour. It looked insane!! There was a giant tire, weight sled, the rope, a sledge hammer and kettle bells. Although I did not notice the other stuff until I got to the park as my eyes did not really leave that giant tire. I could tell that Damir was in one of his crazy “Satan little helper” moods. As he began to tell us what we were going to do, all I was thinking was please don’t say were flipping that dam tire. He tells us to carry the 2 45lbs weights (one each hand ) to the tire and come back and put them on the weight sled, and I was thinking yes he didn’t say flip that dam tire, he continue to say pull the sled down around the tire and come back. Still I am yes he didn’t say flip the tire! He continues with 100 slams of the rope on each arm. I think 100 on each arm tough, but he didn’t say flip that tire. He continues... grab the sledge hammer and do 15 swings on each arm, and I am thinking yes he didn’t say flip the tire.. He continues run to the kettle bell and do 15 clean and press on each arm, and I am thinking ok looks like we are not going to flipping the dam tire. He continues after the kettle bell walk over to the ...... (And I am saying in my head not the tire not the tire) .....tire and flip it all the way up the park. He continued to say something else, but I did not hear what he said as I was staring at the tire. So Ryan starts, as I wait for him to get a little ahead of me I do burgees. As I am doing burpees I think I was staring at that dam tire the whole time. As he finishes with the weight sled Damir hands me the weights and I go I quickly go down and around the tire back to the sled and I put the weights on the sled and start pulling the sled down to the tire. It was allot harder then I thought it was going to be. I finish with the sled and go to the ropes, start slamming the ropes and it was not as hard as I thought. As I finish with the ropes I head over to the sledge hammer and start swinging, my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in the back of my head. That is when I see Ryan flipping the tire and it looks hard. I finish with the sledge hammer which was harder then I thought, and I run to the kettle bells and start, now my heart is really pounding, I now can feel it in the back and front of my head now. My arms are hurting from the sledge hammer but I finish each arm with the kettle bell, and head over to the tire. As I look down at the tire I am overwhelmed by the size of the tire. I lift the tire up and flip it.....wow it was not as hard as I thought it was! In fact it is the easiest part of the workout so I pound the tire up the park and that is when he said don’t forget the push ups against the picnic table. After the push up I catch my breath and he say two more time let’s go! As we did circuit my heart jumped out of my chest more and more. The workout was like a last chance workout on the biggest loser. I would love to say I made it through the without losing my cookies, but now I did not I totally blew chucks, and since we were outside I didn’t swallow it just let loose just past the picnic table. After the workout my heart was so tired, I had to sit for about 20mins before starting my half hour of Cardio. It totally rocked tonight and I can’t wait until Tuesday’s hour with Damir.

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Plateau

It has been such an intrusting month, vacation went very fast. During my time off from Wal-Mart I tried as much as I could to keep my calories on track. This was hard as temptation was everywhere, but I did keep in check. I took my niece to the stampede grounds, this was a tough as the smells were very overwhelming, everywhere you looked someone was eating crap, but I made it out of there only having 1 poor choice, lemonade. I won that battle. But while on vacation I did not eat in a good routine, and my body works well with routine. So I have been on a Plateau with my weight loss for over a month.

At first I thought maybe the plateau was the result of not being on a proper routine, but once I was back on routine nothing happen. So I talked to Damir about maybe cutting some of my calories? He suggested before I cut any that I should talk to Holly when she comes back from vacation. However maybe try eating some different foods like chicken or fish. So I Cooked off some chicken for last week’s lunches. Also we have been eating allot of Subway for dinner and Kristy noticed that the girl making my sub was putting double meat on my sandwich, because we have been going there allot lately I would just tell the girl the same as last time and I guess she thought I wanted double meat. So the last two weeks or so I have not been counting in the double meat calories. With the adding chicken into my routine and not having double meat on my sandwich, I broke my plateau!!

I don’t think it was just the change in my food that broke the plateau. We stepped it up with the workouts this week! This week the treadmill and I had really good dates. Monday I did 5 sets of the program that Damir put together for me. It rocked!! I was so wet from sweat it was like I fell in a pool or something. On Tuesday it was the “hill of hell”. Damir kicked my ass up that hill for an hour! Wednesday I did Damir’s kickboxing boot camp class and a little walk on the treadmill. Thursday I arrived at Alive with a bit of an attitude, I was in a bad mood.... this did not last long as Damir had me pull him up running.... not walking fast.... not jogging..... Running up the hallway! So the attitude went away very very fast. By the third or fourth set I was smiling. At the end of the session I asked if I could do one more set of pulling him up the hallway. He said ok ...... with that crazy grin.... that’s when I knew I was in trouble!! I pulled Damir and Ryan up the hallway.. When I got to the end of the hallway I just sat down .... That is when Damir said get up we are going back up the hallway..... Now my heart beat is pounding in my head...but I am trained well so when Damir says to do something I just do it without thinking ....so I start back up the hallway at first it was ok this not that bad, but then bang!! It got heavier ... but I kept going and got about 5 feet from the end and I stop. As I turned around I saw Ryan step off the sliders, then Damir and then another small surprise Sam was on sliders as well. It was not until I did the math in the car ride on the way home that I realized that I was pulling about as much weight as I weighed when I started. Friday I did the treadmill program at home ....was not as fun as doing it at Alive. Saturday I did the extended Kickboxing class and 30mins of the treadmill program. So all around it was a good week

Last month I did walk over 100 km This month’s Challenge is to do Ben’s Saturday Boot camp class twice and the “hill of Hell” twice if anyone out there would like to join me, please let me know.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Finding Brian

Finding Brian

I have changed so much in the last year, so much, that I don’t really know who I am anymore. July 1st was my friend Ryan’s birthday; at his party I had an eye opening experience. I had such a great time, during the party Damir asked me when the last time I played catch. Now I have not played catch in about 15 years. So Damir and I went down and played a little catch, well I don’t think it was a little catch, I am not sure how long we played but it was a long time. Not once but twice did not think I would enjoy it, but I was wrong. I loved it!! The first time I threw the ball I got very excited, because I really liked it. We must have been down there for an hour the first time and the second must have been about the same.

So this got me thinking if I like playing catch what else do I like. Should I try some of the foods I didn’t like in the in the past, because I might like it now. Like egg plant or liver maybe I like these things now. It is hard to say. I never like going on the treadmill, now I love it. The other night as a joke Ryan said “I don’t even know you anymore.” This is how I feel I have no idea who Brian is anymore. I think in order to find out who I really am I need to do some stuff out of my comfort zone, maybe I should try out yoga or rollerblading. I have never tried this stuff before and I may like it. There is so many things to try it is overwhelming.

So I think I should try something new each week. This week I stepped out of my comfort zone and I did Ben’s boot camp class on Saturday, I always thought that is was too hard for me to complete. Not only did I complete it, I enjoyed myself. It was so much fun. The music Rocked, and Ben was awesome. I think on my Saturday’s off I will add the boot camp to my routine.

My challenge since June 20 was to walk 100km by July 20 well I am at 58 km and there is still 15 days to finish it so I am on track.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

that little devil inside my head

The last month things have been up and down, sure I was have a few problems with the food thing. But I got that under control. I now have control of the food and I am no longer constantly thinking about bad food. I finally got to the point where I was feeling awesome. I forgot that I am always the biggest guy in the room. Then today on the bus I was listening to my music when I got a text and the music stopped. That is when I heard what the group of teenage girls at the back of the were talking about. They were mooing and making fun of my weight. So I turn my music back on and tried to forget about it. The bus trip felt like it was taking forever, and that is when that little devil inside my head showed up, I call him fat Brian, he started to talk and he never says anything good. So I start picking on myself, picking out all my flaws. I felt so fat. As I came to my stop, I was not in a very good place. I got off the bus grabbed my preworkout sub head to the park to eat it. Then off to the gym.

I started my workout, tonight’s workout was mostly on the treadmill, as I walked on the treadmill I start to think of all my accomplishments in the last year. The more I walked the better I felt about myself. Now after an hour of really pushing myself, I was feeling good but not there just yet. After an hour I hopped off the treadmill to clean it and Jen and Shaimaa came into the cardio room and said come on Brian get back on for another 30mins with us. Now I am soaking wet, from the amount of sweat. I roll my eyes, and got back on the treadmill, now they did not know what happen on the bus, nor did they know I was not feeling awesome yet. But that last 30mins did it. I started to feel awesome again. I powered through that last 30mins and I got off that treadmill feeling awesome. Funny how your friends jump in and help you with your head, even when they don’t have any idea you are not in a great place. This is why I love going to alive! The people there rock!!!

So yes if you see me getting off the treadmill and you say walk another 30mins with me, I will never say no. I may roll my eyes, but I will get back on and walk with you another 30mins! Thank you Jen and Shaimaa for pushing me tonight past my comfort zone!

Monday, June 21, 2010



Funny how easy it is to fall back into old habits, I worked so hard to eat clean, workout and lose weight. The last 3 months has been so awesome, workouts rocked, the food was so clean, and I was in such a zone. Then one weekend of letting loose turn into two weeks of poor choices. Now I am trying to dig out of this set back, and all I can think about is stupid potato chips and ice cream. I made it through today without eating that crap, but boy that is all I can think about. I hate the term “will power” it pisses me off when people say that, I don’t think it was will power that I used for the last 3 months. It was dedication and fear that got me through the last three months. Tomorrow I will wake up and I hope that my mind starts to think of other things. Tonight I had a good talk with Damir, that help that he understood what I was going through.

What was really awesome about tonight was the fact that I think hell week is back. We did a crazy hour on the treadmill tonight. It was awesome, I was pushed way out of my comfort zone and maybe little past my limits. I love sessions like that!! It really helps put my mind back on what I was doing. Tomorrow I am on my own with the treadmill and I think I may try and see if I can push myself like Damir did today! I am going to eat clean tomorrow I just hope my mind can get on board and thinks clean! :o)

Friday, June 18, 2010



Wow!! It has been an awesome couple of weeks. I hit my first year goal, I lost 100lbs!! I pulled it together and did it. Also I made a joke to my trainer Damir that I should try walking on the treadmill for three hours and walk more than 10km. He looked at me with that a giant grin on his on his face he gets just before I do something a chubby guy is not suppose to do. So on Friday June 4th I walked on the treadmill for three hours. I had such an awesome support team my best friend Ryan walked with me for more than an hour and a half, then Jen took over and walked with me for over an hour, And in my last hour Leah and Sam jump on treadmills as well and I did it. I walked 3 hours it worked out to 14 km.

On Saturday June 5th I had a fashion shoot with me in front of the camera. That was something else, I had been shopping the week before with Holly and Kristy and I have a whole new in the style.....no I mean I now have a style. During the shoot I had a moment that I have seen so many other people have, but until then it never happened to me. I did not recognise myself in the photo. I was truly stunned. I look so different, and I like what I was seeing. After the shoot Holly and Ben had a party to celebrate Kristy and I first big milestone. It was an awesome party!

On June 12th I did a fundraiser that I do every year to raise money for the Wal-Mart Walk for Miracles I had a friend shrink wrap me to a bench at Wal-Mart and I sat there for 4 hours and raised $369. This time there was a lot of space left on that bench. Something great happen, many of the customers who donated last year notice that I was much smaller.

On June 13th I did the Wal-Mart 5k walk for Miracles. I invited many of my friends from Alive to walk with me. 13 people showed up to walk with me, it was awesome. My team was bigger than the Wal-Mart 3010 store team (both volunteers and walkers). Now before the walk my team ask what my goal time was to finish the 5K, I said 1 hour and 15 mins. Well we blow that right out of the water. I finished in 1 hour and 2 mins. Damir pushed me the whole way; I mean literally he pushed me. It totally rocked!

I was feeling so good from the last couple of weeks, I started to slip a little with my food, ok slip is not the right word I fell off the clean wagon hard. In true addict style I started to talk myself into bad things. Started to think 1 burger.... i can handle it .... I can have 1 burger and it will end with just that.... yeah that didn’t work. 1 burger led to a lot more very poor choices. But my support team has quickly jumped in and gave me a good reality check and ass kicking. Now I am refocused and ready to take on the week. Thanks

New goal.....I will walk 100km in the next 4 weeks.... So by July 20 I will reach this first small goal of 100 km!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

It just has not sunk it yet!

It just has not sunk it yet!

Wow it has been a whole year now since I started my weight loss journey. Last night looked at some old pictures of me, and I did not realize how big I was. It is something to say I lost 99 lbs, but wow looking at those photos what a difference. What is really awesome is how much I have changed on the inside. In those photos I could see how unhappy I was. I was not living life. Now I am almost always smiling and very positive.

Last weekend I finished a 5k walk, unlike the 5k walks I have done in the past. This one was timed with a sensor on my shoe laces. It was fun to walk with some friends and finish 23 minutes faster than last one I did in November. This time after the walk my legs did not hurt as bad as the last time. It is great to know that I can finish a 5k without having to spend the rest of my day sleeping. After the 5k I went shopping with Holly and Kristy for some new clothes. That was such a fun time, Holly and Kristy pulled all kinds of different stuff for me to try on. When I tried on the first outfit they put together for me, I looked in the mirror & I took a double take, if fact I think I looked behind me to see if it really was me. Now I have seen a few of my friends at alive not realize how far they have come, never did I think I would ever think that way. We were there for an hour or so, & when we left I was so happy. Now that was very weird for me, because in the past when I would go shopping for clothes, I would leave very upset. Not this time it was awesome I have ever felt so confident before. I can’t wait to show off my new look this weekend.

Tonight when I stepped on the scale and Kristy started screaming and Damir had a giant smile on his face because I have now hit 99lbs down. I didn’t react....in fact it still has not hit me yet. Maybe it is because I have not lost 100 lbs yet, not sure, but I am sure when it does I will lose it, and there will be lots of tears. Yet don’t get me wrong I am very proud of what I have done so far! It just has not sunk it yet.

Monday, May 24, 2010

11 days and 11 pounds

11 days and 11 pounds

I am so close to 100 lbs down. I have 11 days until my healthy lifestyle birthday; I would like to be 100 lbs down. It is going to be down to the wire. This all started with Holly and Damir challenging me to meet that goal. There were three big rules to start with. 1) Keep my calories and fat to what Holly set it to by eating clean as I can. 2) Cardio, Cardio, and more Cardio after every session or class. 3) No burgers, No deep fried items, No Chips. Yes those rule are all no brainers, however I have am a food addict so I thought it would be hard to follow. But I was wrong it was very easy to follow & not only was it easy but I am really loving eating clean and don’t tell Damir I am starting to love the hamster wheel. Who knew, besides Holly?

Almost a year ago I walked into Alive looking at the ground not very happy at all. I went there because my loving wife told me she was not going to watch me killing myself slowly anymore. “Killing myself slowly” I hated when people would say that to me, probably because it was true and I did not want to hear it. I walked in there thinking to myself “well this is not going to work, I am 520lbs, and it just took me 15 minutes to get here from bus. I can’t do this every day”. After a few weeks I slowly started to get better, it would only take 7 or 8 minutes to get to Alive from the bus, Holly had me drinking so much water I was peeing 10 to 15 times a day, and I was thinking “ok maybe this will work, but I doubt it. Also Hope I can make it from Wal-mart to Alive without having to pee” A month or so went by, and it was taking 4 minutes or less to get to Alive from the bus, Holly had me eating so much Veggies and Tuna I was worried I was growing gills, and I was thinking “I want this to work, I really want this to work For me.” October came along and I could see that I could do the working out, but the food just was not there yet. Christmas arrived and I made it through the holidays without gaining weight, however adding Sweets and junk food even just for a few days back into my life was not a good idea. This made me very cocky and I was eating through my calories and Kristy’s calories in a day. This went on for awhile and it was hard to kick the habit again. But I did it. February arrived and I was sticking to my lifestyle change every day except on Friday night. After I would weigh in we would go out for burgers, we would hit Tommy Burger, and it was very tasty. But again my weight loss stalled. In a session with Holly she looked at my food log and asked me where we went for our burgers on Friday nights. After some research on the internet Holly found out that My Friday night burger was 50g of fat. Opps that was not a good choice.

Then April arrived and my clean eating habits were finally there and that is when I was challenged. I am glad that they did that because now I know that it may be a long road to reach my biggest goal, but I know I can do it! I am so happy!! 89 pounds down and I feel so great. Make by the 4th of June or not this train will keep going until I and at a happy weight.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Hot Tub Time Machine

If I had a hot tub time machine I would go back to 1990. Not to invent Google or the Iphone, no I would love to show the 17 year old Brian what life has become for 36 year old Brian. I would track him down, now the 17 year old Brian would be easy to find. Just need to walk in to the closest Fast Food place or Moxies at Chinook. Now he would not believe me, but I have a secret weapon, a secret only we know. Sorry guys got to keep that to myself in case I do stumble into a hot tub time machine.

After he understood that I was him, a very large version of him we would have to go for a little walk, now you sitting him down and talking to him is not going to work. So since I found young Brian at the Moxies at the Chinook mall I thought we should start with a little walk down a busy mall. Now if you have experienced this with me you know what is about to happen. We would start walking and first we would hit the 3 or 4 year olds who would say “Mommy he is so fat”. Now this would not really make an impact on younger Brian. No he will think that it is ok they are so young they don’t know any better. Next we would walk by a store I used to love to shop at, and we would stop in to see if they have anything in my size, and they don’t have anything. While in the store some Teenagers are there and they start mooing, this makes younger Brian uncomfortable and a little angry. So we leave the store. Now we head to the up to the food fair to grab younger Brian favourite, Fries and Mayo, as we share the very bad snack a 20 something woman say under her breath “ salad would be better bubby!” now younger Brian asks “how do you make it though the day, I could not be that strong.” I would answer “Dude this is not strength, this is sadness, sadness that it has come to this. Now you can go on the path you are on & end up going through this every single day, or you we can go for a different walk and I can point you toward some help.”

Now pointing younger Brian in the right direction is a little hard. It is 1990 and Damir is 3 years old, so that won’t work. So I would take him to the southland leisure center and show him a class schedule, and suggest a few classes to start. Then I would take him to a Taekwondo Studio and tell him trust me you will love this. Then I would pull out the old bike and say ride this as much as you can. Last I would take him to Weight Watchers and say “now you are 200 pounds, they will help you learn how to eat and drop 30 pounds or so and help you maintain a healthy body weight. Now I am not going to lie to you there will be Blood, Sweat and many tears, however if you take care of this now you will beat this and life will be a whole lot better. When you are 35 or so look up Alive Personal Training you will love it there! Also in a couple of years you are going to meet Jennifer Steeves, trust me, Run the other way, Don’t walk run!! ”

Now Back to reality I am very close to a 100 pounds down, I can see that big milestone and can feel that a healthy weight can be achieved, but boy I wish I could go back and kick that Chubby 17 year olds ass. My workouts this week look like there going to be on the Hamster wheel with Damir...this will be a crazy amount of, the taste of blood, lots and lots of Sweat and a few Tears, however last time we did just the treadmill I lost 15 or so pounds in just a few weeks. So this is going to Rock!!! Painful but it is still going to rock !!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Six Little Words!

Six Little Words

What a week, I have been working hard on my weight loss program. Not a day passed this week where my legs weren’t in pain. My heart say’s push through, pain is my friend, you can do it, dig deep! My legs say’s with every step, stop, stop, stop, ouch, ouch, ouch, hello pain means stop dummy!! My head say’s walking on the hamster wheel means you will lose... got to burn off the food you ate earlier, get your head in the game...Let’s go. Since it was two against one I push hard!! So hard that During Thursday night’s stroll on the Hamster wheel my legs Charlie horsed. So after 30 minutes of the worst pain I have felt on the hamster wheel, I got off. Then in the shower the Charlie horse came back. It was a rough night.

Friday’s workout rocked, my legs were sore however after the first ten minutes the soreness went away, and I just sweated my ass off! Damir pushed and pushed and pushed! That hour flew by. Then it was time for my weekly weigh in. Now I only weigh once a week, every Friday at 5 minutes to 6pm. I jumped on the scale excited to see how my body did this week. I did my part; I was on the ball with the food. I slipped up only once this week with the food. Walked 23 km on the hamster wheel, and had some of the best workout I have ever had. So I did my part, Damir did his, but did my body do its job. Nope! I stood on that scale and it stop Bam 438.... Same as last week! That is when it happened Damir said something I never thought he would say “No Gain, No Loss, Good Job” at first I was not sure that what he said “no pounds up on your low week is good before you would go up ... I am happy with no gain” not sure he said it exactly like that but that was the just of it.

Now in the past... if I had no loss I would have pulled Iphone and I would go over my food log and exercise log and try and figure out where I went wrong. Then while in the shower beat myself up over everything I did wrong. But this time I did not need to go over my logs, because I knew I had done everything that I could do to lose weight. My body just needed more time I guess. So I enjoyed my shower like I had lost weight and I did not panic and call Holly, I just texted her “No Gain, No Loss, But next week will rock” and I left Alive with a smile.

I still have 18 pounds to lose before I hit my First year’s goal. I have 4 weeks to do it in. Next week I am going to try and step it up a bit. I plan to walk 35km on the Hamster wheel next week. I know Damir plans to step it up next week as well. To that I say Bring it on!

It feels great to know I have worked my ass off this week, and for the first time I can say to myself those 6 little words “No Gain, No Loss, Good Job” Because that is still a pretty good battle I have just won!!

So I am going to continue, like the great line from my theme song as of late

No chain no lock and this train won't stop!
We got No fear No doubt all in balls out” - Burn It to The Ground

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

30 Days

30 Days

I have been on this weight loss road for 11 months. On my journey I have met some amazing people. They have become a Team Brian. Supporting me with the tuff stuff, there are the pros, Family, and friends.

The Pro’s

On my team we must start with Damir, wow what you say about one of the people saving your life. Well to start from the beginning he did not see a 500 pound man. He just kicked my ass from the start. He seems to think I can do almost anything, sometimes it works out and we rock it, then there are other times when I am just not ready to do it, and when that happens he is very patient try’s to modified it to work or we move on it in a positive way. However when I do something, I could not do before he is more excited than me sometimes. Also on my pro team is Holly, also one of the people saving my life. She has put together a very easy food plan that even I can stick to. Also like Jillian from the biggest loser she takes care of all the head shit I have. But unlike Jillian she rocks it without raising her voice. Also she pulls me in when I fall off course. Also on my team is Kendra, who kicks my ass once a week in her Kickboxing Class, she push me with the cardio beyond my limits with crazy interval workouts and is always smiling. We can’t forget Ben, or as I call him “the Kristy whisper” he is very motivating. Always in a good mood, and always makes me feel great about myself.

The Family

My family has been for the most part great support. My super Wife is very awesome; she supports me in many different ways. First she keeps my diet on track. She listens to me vent when I have a bad day. She also pushes me to Alive on the very few times I don’t feel or want to go. She does so much more! She just rocks! Mom and Dad help by giving me encouragement when I need it most. Maggie is the inspiration to keep moving.


I have met many great people at Alive, Jen who also gives me a lot of encouragement, and pushes me to get on the hamster wheel when I don’t want to. Kim and Shaimaa, who are great to talk to and makes me feel like a rock star. Leah who likes to push me past the limits I have chosen on the hamster wheel and the Stairs. Many Many more who have helped me at alive. Ryan who is my training Partner and my Best Friend who keeps pushing me to go harder. There are many many more !! thanks everyone.

I have 30 days left until my Alive Birthday, 18 pounds to go to break 100lbs! I can see it happening, I have become so strong and confident in the last year it is amazing!