Careful what you wish for!
Careful what you wish for!
Today is April 13, this is the 1st anniversary of my surgery. A year ago I went into this new journey with fear and with some small amount of scepticism. But I trusted my gut and jumped in with both feet. I remember I was scared as the only other surgery I had was on my nose, nothing like this. I am not totally sure what kind of thing I was getting into, but I gave up one of the hardest vices I had, coke zero, well more like all the carbonated drinks I used to consume multiple multiple multiple times a day. With many weeks of being free of that, I thought if that as hard as its going to be be I can handle this. Boy I was such a so arrogant, thinking that was hard. Difficult maybe but I really didn't understand what truly what hard was.
In the last year I have experienced quite a bit, the biggest thing I have found is who I really am. I know I am suppose to be super happy about my weight loss, and yes that is a large part of my experience, but we can get into that later. Now I just want to talk about the positive stuff first. For years I wore what I call the fat uniform, sweatpants and a T shirt. Mostly because I didn't have much choice. Now if you catch me in sweats it's only because my jeans are being washed or I am doing something I don't want my jeans to well get dirty. So basically you are rarely going to see that. Also I have gone from being a guy who used to like just being a home body. I would never want to spend any time outside the house. My 124 days in hospital beat that right out of me, at first being home from the hospital I was trying to just go back to that home body thing, but that is when my life changed and being at home all the time, felt very much like I was giving up on life. I did not go through all this shit just to give up. So now I like to get out and do stuff. This is good thing, but Kristy is having a fun time trying to keep up with all the changes in my life.
So to day I stepped on the scale hoping to be under 300 pounds, I am proud to say I didn't make that goal, I stepped on it and it stopped at 300 pounds even. Not 300.5 or 300. 2, and yes I thought of ways I could change that like using the bathroom or waiting until tomorrow to write my blog and maybe if I go to the YMCA and jump on the treadmill, workout hard for an hour maybe tomorrow I will there, but I don't live in maybe tomorrow anymore. I live in the here and now so Nope I am not in the 200's yet. But I have have lost exactly 240 pounds in the last year and I am proud of that. Proud not of the number, but more of the fact that I just excepted it is what it is. Proudly to say I know it's just a number. It's not happiness, some people still are trying to figure that out. But I know happiness has absolutely nothing to do with what the number says. In my case that number was extremely expensive. Now I am not talking about the cost in money, no it came at a much higher price, that number came with brain damage.
Now my brain does work a lot differently than it it did a year ago, but I am climbing that very large Mountain every day. One of the things that is helping me is listening to music, and with my injury when there's something in the song touches me I tend to play it a hundred times over and over again. Until I find what is in it that is kind of calling out to me. Many songs in the past few months have been doing this, the one that really jumped out at me was Home by Chris Daughtry. There is a very great verse in that song that just blows me away.