Dark side made me do it

Dark side made me do it

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

rules to surviving personal training

Over the weekend enjoyed a great movie Zombieland, it was a very cool movie. It got me thinking that there should be rules to surviving personal training. So bear with me as I have a little fun here.

Rule #1 Cardio

Just like in the movie Zomieland cardio is very important part of surviving your session with your personal trainer. Yes your trainer will push that cardio is a good thing and most likely the treadmill will be your new best friend. What I have learned is that starting on the treadmill before your session is a good thing, makes for a happy trainer. Happy Trainer = great session :o)

Rule #2 Vomiting can only happen in the locker room bathroom or learn to swallow

Let’s not kid are selves there will be Vomiting, when you feel that it coming the best thing to do is to head for the locker room weather you do it or not better to be safe, then to have to swing a mop.

Rule # 3 Never ever say “I can’t do that”

Those 4 little words turn your trainer into the Drill Sgt. from full metal jacket. Nobody wants that!

Rule # 4 Crying is for the shower or the ride home

You may have urged to cry when you finally do something that you could not do before or that you are in that much pain. In my experience it best not to do this in front of your trainer, it is uncomfortable for your trainer & it may shows weakness. I love my trainer however, any weakness he finds, he likes to fix. Fix it he will!

Rule # 5 do not confess your bad habits

Confession is for church and cops, telling your trainer that you just knocked back a tub of Ben and jerry’s is not a very good idea. This will just make your trainer unhappy! Unhappy Trainer = Burpee’s lots and lots of burpee’s or stairs lots and lots of stairs. However if your trainer asks you if you have cheated, always, always, always tell the truth! They know if you’re lying

Rule # 6 enjoy your victories

Both Scale and non scale victories. You just kicked some ass Enjoy!

Rule # 7 Smile when your body makes those special noises!

Farting and burping is going to happen, get comfortable doing this in front of your trainer, because it is going to happen.

Rule # 8 calling the person saving your life an asshole is ok

Sometimes you will feel like calling your trainer names like “asshole or Satan’s little helper” it is ok because they have heard it all. In my experience he likes it and gets off on it!

Rule # 9 wear something to keep the sweat out of your eyes

Sweat is going to come out of every pour! Keeping it out of your eyes will help when doing stuff like cleans with the kettle bells, nobody want to take one of those to the head.....trust me it hurts!

Rule # 10 when saying “I need a good ass kicking or bring it on” make sure Walking is optional the next day!

You can, & should say this from time to time. However, if you do make sure Walking is optional the next day!! I have done this and when I have it is a very intense session. They know your limits and want to push you beyond them, so egging them on is always fun!! However like I said make sure Walking is optional the next day!!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

“I think it is true you have to go through hell to get to heaven”

I have been a fixture at alive for months and months, I go there 5 to 6 days a week. It is fun to go there, well most weeks. As you can see from my earlier posts I can do the exercise, however the food is my Green Kryptonite.

Now when I say food I mean all the bad stuff, chips, Ice cream, burgers, etc...So somewhere along the way I started to forget that I need to follow my food plan. So I have not been holding up my end. So I think to teach me there are consequences if I don’t hold up my end, and that it is not muscle that I am gaining. Damir has banished me to the treadmill. That is where” it is fun most weeks to go to alive, because this week has not been fun.” Now I know what you are thinking, the treadmill is easy you just walk on it, how hard can that be? Now I have walk on the treadmill many time before, but on Monday I learned that speed is not everything and I thought it would be like in the biggest loser where Damir would just keep turning up the speed, Wrong on Monday he said “we are not going to turn up the speed don’t worry that” so I am doing my 5 min warm up & thinking ok this is going to be easy. Then around 3 min in it hits me in the past like a ton of bricks when Damir has me sit down in the gym it becomes very very very hard real fast. So I then the panic sets in. I hit 5 min and he starts turning up the grade, not a little no he puts at the top 15! So my little walk on the treadmill turns into a very hardcore workout! Up...down....up...down...up...down! So 30 min fly’s right by and our session is done. He turns to me and says “don’t get off until you hit 65 min no holding on and no jumping off to rest I will be watching.” So I am thinking that was a 30min session, what will we do for our hour tomorrow, we won’t do the treadmill for an hour. Wrong!! It will be this hell all week. Tomorrow we weigh in, and I have been on the ball with the food and been on the treadmill everyday for at least an hour. I should finally break 450! I think it is true you have to go through hell to get to heaven and right now 448 would be heaven!