Dark side made me do it

Dark side made me do it

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

What a interesting week I have had, so many things I have tried doing. I am starting to see what the future will bring. Monday I got together with one of my oldest friends, she would not want me to say it like that, so let's just say we have known each other since high school and leave it at that,  we went to see the funny movie Zoolander 2. It was great to see her and hangout having a fun day. I tried on a Jean jacket thinking I would like it, it was ok but the jacket I tried on was not what I had in mind. So I am going to hold off for now until I find exactly what I have in my mind. I also did find something I did like, a pair of sunglasses. Now I am not going to buy them from the crazy place I tried them on as they were a lot more then I am willing to spent on something I most likely will loose. So I will wait until I find a nice knock off. It was an amazing day. 

Tuesday was very interesting as well, I wanted to do something to surprise my wife Kristy. I decided to make her one of her favourite meals. So I went to the grocery store on my own and got what I needed. I made her meatloaf and homemade Mac and Cheese. It went very well, I made the meatloaf and Mac and cheese before she got home. She walked into a very beautiful smelling house. I think she was surprised, also excited to have an old part of her husband back. It was a very good day. 

Thursday I had an amazing trip to the YMCA to go swimming. I was so excited I packed my swimming bag four times during the week. Getting back into the pool was so great & so different. I lost so much weight my body is so weird now. My legs when I got into the pool felt so funny, there is lots of skin issues I have now. So much weight loss that when I was in the pool it felt like the skin in my legs was separate from my legs. It was so freaky! I am going to go swimming again very soon, I need to remember that I get exhausted much easier now and need to remember it is ok to take breaks. The recreational therapist I went with pointed that out. I don't seem to know my limits just yet, but I am working on that. 

On Friday I met up with another old friend that I have not seen in a long time. It was good to get together and remanence about old times. I found a drink that I liked, that I could have in a social situations that does not have any alcohol in it. It was so good to hear how his family was doing. Also it felt kind good to sit and not need to worry if anyone around me could tell I have a little brain damage. We just had a good time. 

On Saturday I tried again to do the weekly grocery shopping trip on my own. I wish I could say it went well, but it had good points and bad of course. The good points were that I was able to cut the time it took in half from the week before. However it still was much too long for my liking. I must try and work on my impulsiveness, and focus on what is really needed. I will reach this by having a better strategy & a better list next week. I will get my shopping time down to an hour with a better plan. After shopping I wanted to go see a movie with Kristy, we went to see How to be single. I hated it, in fact it made me very angry. So me not knowing my limits suggested we go see the movie Joy to try and make up for the shitty movie we just saw. We did go to the movie, but by then I started to shutdown. Having a very hard time controlling my illness. Kristy is a very awesome partner, she is very understanding of my illness and can see crap coming and try and change what is going to happen if we continue. I love her greatly. 

On Sunday I decided to go to a meet up with with other people from the bariatric program. It was a good decision I made to go. I met a lot of great people, who were on a similar journey weight wise as myself. It was also great to hear how they were all doing. I felt I was not alone with certain feelings I was having. Another great thing that happened on Sunday was that I was able to cross Macleod  trail on my own. 

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Finding Brian 

I know I have not posted on this blog in many years, I am going to use it again to talk about my Journey into the this new life. 2015 was a very difficult year, I had vertical  sleeve gastrectomy surgery. I did this because I was tipping the scale at 540 pounds. I had a complication from the surgery that the surgeon did not see coming. The complication I had was Wernicke Korsakoff Syndrome. I received brain damage from this and I am working on repairing the damage. I was in the hospital for 124 days where I need to relearn many things I took for granted,  like standing, walking, and eating. 

Enough about the past, let's talk about what's going on now. Today is a new very different time, I am dealing with so much now. I am trying to find out who I am, I know that sounds funny for a 42 year old guy not to know who he is. I don't really know, Fat Brian I think had no idea either. Since I came very close to dying my view of life has changed greatly. I don't want to waste anymore time with things I don't think really matters anymore. So here is what I have come up with so far, I like to walk, so I am going to try to walk more outside. I have figured out how I like to cut & style my hair. I know I still love to cook. I also like to workout, not the crazy shit I did before, but a calmer kind. As I work some of this stuff out, I guess I am finding This new Brian. 

Things are all over the place as I am trying to understand how my brain works. Most days I wake up ready to conquer the world. Then there is the other days I wake up and feel very overwhelmed. Unfortunately for me I have not really found any middle ground yet. I know this may sound strange but what I find the hardest is this not working thing. It's very hard to sit still and if I have a rest day or a day with very little to do in it I feel very restless. The other very strange thing is that my older memories are what is coming up, so I am remembering real old shit. It's much easier then remembering stuff from now, Like did I have breakfast, or who was that I bumped into at the Walmart the last time I was shopping. It is very frustrating, 

I am a Brain Damaged Warrior  fighting my way back. It's a lot harder than you could imagine.