Integration back into old Brian's life.
I know I have said this before but one more time and probably not the last time I say this, WOW it is amazing how a year can really change your entire life. A year ago today Kristy noticed that I really could not walk anymore, and rushed me back to the PLC hospital. It is crazy to think about everything that happened, and how much I changed. I entered the PLC a year ago today and didn't leave for 124 days. Funny because last year at this time Was a very hard time, especially for Kristy, and today I am about to enter the hardest part of my recovery. Integration back into old Brian's life.
You would think that this should be a very happy time, I will say this, it is exciting and terrifying at the same time. But not happy, I am happy but not about this, which I am finding very strange. Mainly because ever since I relearned how to walk my first question to every occupational therapist, every physical therapist, social worker and speech pathologists that has worked with me has been "when can I go back to work?" Now that I am here you would think it would be a happy time. Especially that every step that I have made, has been in this direction. I would love to say I could just sit back and enjoy this moment. However that is not the case, the closer I get to actually reaching my goal of returning to work, the harder it seems to get. I know I have come a very long way, and if I look back I can still feel all those little victories. I remember the day I left the walker behind and was walking on my own, I remember the day I left the PLC how happy and terrifying that was. I remember thinking what's next, how will I ever do the simplest things again. Thinking I am going to be a burden on Kristy and everyone else in my life. I refer to that time right after I was out of the hospital as the Dark Dark Days. Mainly because I was thinking my life was definitely over. Then I met three people that showed me things are not as bleak as I thought. The first was an amazing occupational therapist that explained things are really just beginning, and if I gave her everything I had no only will things get better I will again, one day return to my dream Job. I still remember that one conversation that changed my journey from me being a victim to me being the Warrior I am today. It was the right words, with the right person, at what I would say was a very crucial time. The next was a man on the same Journey I was on. I am sure he didn't even realize it but he's showed me that having a Brain injury was not something I should ever be ashamed of having. In fact showed me that if you Cowboy Up things will always get better. Deep into my journey to return to life I met the next and big influence in my recovery. The speech pathologist, I remember sitting in the waiting room at C.A.R thinking not really sure this is the best idea as we are heading in area I not sure I could do before my injury. I was wrong about what her job was really about. Quickly she made it clear that the issues I was having could be controlled. Now if you ever were to sit outside the door as we worked on my issues you would think how is this working as they have the weirdest conversations. But you know, not only are they working, it's giving me the confidence that is needed for this terrifying next step. I have said many times she came into my recovery way too late. I know now that is very incorrect, she has arrived at the right time and with the right instructions at one of the most crucial times. I am proud to say today we made giant steps in the right direction. Now again that right direction is in the way of a speedy train coming my way call integration back into old Brian's life. I must say this as well that everyone at C.A.R is amazing it is just the three I have mentioned really do stick out. Please understand something else there are many real superheroes who walk among us everyday, they don't wear capes, and you pass them everyday not knowing that not only saved people's lives, most of the time they help the people in this world that need it the most and at the end of the day they return home not really knowing what they did. Someday I want to be one of these superheroes, I can't go through life knowing there is another Brian out there sitting in the dark thinking what the hell is next, where the hell do I go now. One day I will be there to turn that light on.
Crazy how in a year so much can change