1 ......2.......3 

It has been a very hard few weeks, I am dealing with a lot of very different emotions. My world has changed so much, it very hard to wrap my mind around how I am going to figure out how to get through a normal day. I hate that word normal. Nothing, and I really mean nothing seems normal in my life. Things I could do very easily, take so much more effort now it's crazy. I don't make decisions very well, like choosing a pair of shoes, it took an hour, I had to tried so many different shoes on, not sure if it because I have a lot more to chose from now, because fat Brian could only wear a certain shoe because of weight. Now I can just wear almost any of them. It a very weird world. 

In my life I am working on letting go of a bad habit I picked up in the hospital. This counting 1, 2, 3 before I go to do something. Everything you do in the hospital has that counting thing, and now that I am home it has manifested itself into doing it all the time. In fact it's really bad now, I count when I am afraid, when I am exhausted, and when I am confused. I do it without even thinking about it, life with this brain injury sometimes is very terrifying. It seems to help calm me down, however it is a very bad habit and I have kick it. 

Also I have done some challenging things in the last few weeks, starting to find a rhythm with keeping myself busy. I am looking at recovery as full time job, scheduling stuff everyday, I even if it is a rest day I go and do something outside the house. I workout at the YMCA 3 times a week. At first I started to do that so to try and get back to work sooner, but now I know it's more about just getting better so I can live. I get back to work when the time is right. I can't rush it as my body is much different now. I have also started cooking a Lot more. In fact I get excited about doing it, making even just an omelette is exciting. 

 

February 26 was a very hard and creepy day. I went to the YMCA, I took Access and when you use access you pick other passengers up who are going to the YMCA. We picked a few people up and then headed to Midnapore to pick up a passenger. We went by the intersection I avoid at all costs because it is the intersection where I witnessed my brother passed away at. Then we continued on to the exact  condo building I lived in at the time of his death to pick up the next passenger. This was very hard, but when arrived at the YMCA I decided to work out that shit on the gym floor. I must thank my former trainer Damir for teaching me the best place to work shit out is to do something you think you can't do. So I made a circuit up in my head and just pushed my body through it. I also should thank my best friend Ryan who I used to train with because I must admit his voice was in my head pushing me to go harder like he used to do when he was my training partner. Pounded out a very good workout. It really helps me. After the workout I went to willow park to pick up some gluten free cupcakes for a friend that was coming to Kristy's birthday party so when everyone was eating cake she could as well. After getting the cupcakes I walked around willow park looking for the booster juice, and after I found it, I also found the  store Lammle's Western store so I went in to look around and I found a cool shirt, tried it on, sent Kristy a photo asked if she liked it without telling her what store I was in. She liked it so I made the decision on my own to buy it. It's my new Favourite shirt, because it's awesome ! Also because I made the decision to buy it mostly on my own.  

Things are getting better with regards to finding this new Brian. I am starting to feel some Independence and I am finding new strategies to deal with many of the issues I have. Also finding ways to deal with some of the anger I am experiencing. Fat Brian always kept that shit in and never really dealt with it. I am finding that anger and frustration is very exhausting. So I am trying not to let that stuff get in my way anymore. 

March is Brain injury awareness month. So please take a moment to appreciate life, and if you are around someone who is also touched by this give them a pat on the back or a high five because it is the hardest journey I have ever been on and I have done some hardcore crazy things like running a 10k weighing 400 lbs or the 100 burpees I once did and those things don't even come close to this new journey I am on. Also don't forget the heroes that stand by and stand up for there loved ones with a Brain injury, because they may even have it harder.