Movie

Stumbled

Sorry that it has taken over a month to write in my blog. I had allot of head shit I need to deal with. It all started about 3 weeks ago, I forgot why I was on this weight loss journey and I lost my way. I was in a lot of pain and began to think the pain was not worth it. So I just let a few things go little by little I started to slide backwards. I was still going to alive, I just didn’t have my heart in it and I did not push myself to 100%. Damir was on vacation, but I don’t think it was that he was not there that I stumbled. I am sure if he was there it would not have gone on for two weeks, he would have called me on it sooner. I believe everything happens for a reason, so while Damir was gone I learned some important things about myself. The first was that if I stop, even for a short time the weight comes back! The second is that although I still need Damir’s help I can pick myself back up when I do slip. The third is that if I feel myself slipping I need to ask for help. Before Damir came back I had already started back on the right road, giving it 100% at Alive and with the food.

So much has happened since my last blog entry I gained 11 pounds and lost 6 of those pounds. I can now hold a plank of 40 seconds. Kristy was chosen for a wonderful gift, which she worked really hard for. I am so proud of her.

I had some very awesome workout in the last month; Damir was away, so Ryan and I trained with Clayton for a few weeks. That was a lot of fun; he is very motivating and very loud. He pushed me even when I was not giving it my all. His style is different from Damir’s, but it was awesome. I would recommend Clayton, he is an awesome trainer and I am sure I will train with him again.

My regular kickboxing partner has been away so I have been going with Colleen and Jamie. They are very good partners. Last Saturday Colleen and I were partners in Damir’s Kickboxing class, my arms were very sore from my training session with Damir on the Thursday before, during the one of our Combo Stations I dropped the pads to take a rest & we got caught by Damir! He said 10 Burpees now, we drop and did them. At the next station Colleen Accidently kicked me in the nuts; we did not stop with the combo as did not want to have to do more burpees. If you have ever been Colleen partner you know how hard she kicks, I am getting teary eye just remembering.

I wanted a change, so as you can see in the Picture above I have cut my Hair!! Also I have decided to do a video blog on facebook so look to see my weekly updates there as well.

Consistency

Consistency

It was a very great weekend; it was a nice way to end my vacation. Kristy and I spent Saturday and Sunday at Kristy’s Dads place. It was nice hang out there and playing cards and relax. Kristy’s Step Sister Tammie, Barry and their girls were down from Edmonton. Kristy’s family were very supportive of my weight loss journey. Tammie made it very easy for me to make it through Thanksgiving weekend without slipping on the food this weekend. It is very easy to fall off the wagon at a social event like this. She made sure I stuck to eating healthy; in fact everyone there was very helpful. This is how I was able to weigh in today without gaining. I don’t usually weigh in on a Monday; Friday is my weigh in day. I want to make sure I made it through the weekend making the right choices. So on Friday when I accidently forgot to weigh in, it was an opportunity for me to use that as an incentive to stick to it over the weekend.

I have had a great month on my weight loss journey; I have been very consistent with my weigh in. always a weight loss, in fact I think September has been the best month for consistency since I started. Everything is going well. So why am I so afraid? It is like I am looking around for the other shoe to drop.

Maybe I am freaked out because I will be training with a different personal trainer for the next few weeks. In the last 16 months other than classes, and 1 session that I did with Ben last thanksgiving, I have trained with only Damir. Now I understand why Kristy used to get messed up a bit when Ben was away. I am concerned that while Damir is gone that I won’t lose any weight. Don’t get me wrong I am looking forward to training with Clay, I am just nervous I guess

Or maybe it is the fact that when things are going well I never feel comfortable. This has been the most success I have had, 125 pounds down. I am not used to the feeling of doing something well consistently.

Double Blog Week

Double Blog Week

I named tonight Training Session “Walking tomorrow may have to be optional”

Not sure how Damir will be able to outdo tonight’s workout, well maybe I am little scared of what it might be. I knew we were in trouble when we were leaving and Damir Says something like “see ladies I am not carrying any equipment, how hard could it be” At first I thought he has kettle bells in his truck since we were walk to it. Nope, nothing in the truck. So as we started to drive to the mystery workout I started to panic. I was thinking the worst. We started to drive up this very large and steep hill, I was freaking out that we would be running up it. But he stop all of a sudden, half way up the hill. That's when I saw the set of stairs from hell. Ryan took off running up the stairs and I started up behind him. The stairs seemed to go on forever. I climbed and climbed and climbed, finally I was at the top, as I turn to go down, there was Ryan lapping me. Down, down, and down I went at the bottom was Damir with that crazy smile on his face, back up he said. Now as I am going back up I start to think, how the hell I am going to do this for an hour. As I got half way up Ryan lapped me again, and I could see from the look on his face he was thinking the same thing. I get to the top again and start back down, that is when I notice Ryan’s going down the stairs with his feet kind of on an angle, turn my feet and go down the same way and it is easier. As I get to the bottom I take a second to catch my breath, as there is an old guy coming down the stairs. As I start back up the stairs the old guys says to me “have a little more enthusiasm” I head back up and I think to myself shut up asshole! Now Ryan is lapping me near the start. I climb back up to the top, my legs are burning like crazy, heart is pounding and I can’t catch my breath. I get to the bottom and see there is another guy coming down the stairs, I turn to Damir and ask if I should wait for him to get all the way down to the bottom, he said last time you have to go up. so I head up, I pass the guy coming down and he says “I take these stairs two at a time this is easy” I just shake my head and keep going up to the top. As I turn to go down I say to myself wow that hour went fast. At the bottom Damir says get in the truck we are done the first part. I am pretty sure I did a few more sets of stairs in between the old guy and the other guy coming down the stairs.... it was a blur.

As I get catch my breath in the truck I look at the clock on the radio and is says 5:18 I think to myself now what, I hope he is not driving us to a bigger set of stairs. The truck comes to a stop at a park, as we get out of the truck I am thinking oh shit here comes the burpees. Nope, no burpees, we follow this bike path a little ways, and that is when I see a hill steeper then “ the hill of hell” Damir gives us the instructions to walk or jog down the winding hill to the bottom when we reach the bridge turn around and come back up. Ryan takes off running down the hill, I pop my ear buds from my iPod in my ears and I start to walk and jog, and walk and jog down the hill. It was very steep and felt like it went on forever. I reach the bridge and head back up the hill at the half way point Ryan is about to lap me, but he doesn’t, he touches my back and head back down towards the bridge. That is when realize that he has to keep doing this until we I get to the top. So I start jogging so he doesn’t have to go back down again. I make it to the top with Ryan only touching once. Ryan and I do the hill one more time.

At the top after the second time up the hill, I think wow we must be done, that is when Damir says lets go we have one more stop. We jump in the truck and he drives a little bit and we stop at another set of stairs, this time we are at the top. It is a wonderful view of the down town skyline. The stairs are not as steep and but seem to go on quite a ways down. Ryan is told to run the stairs as many time as he can, while I do them twice. Ryan and I pound off the stairs, and we head back to the truck. As I got into the truck Damir Jokes "it is getting harder and harder to get in my truck isnt it" Ryan and I spent the an hour together in this session, and I think we only said 3 words to each other. It was that intense. It was so intense I don’t know if we will be able to walk tomorrow..... We shall see.

MY BODY IS A CHANGING

My body is a Changing

I have mention in the past how my upper body changed dramatically from week to week. An example of this was how my nipples would move on my chest week to week. Now my body has much a different look and feel to it. To start with losing the amount of weight I have lost, my skin has started to hang. Before I had I was big and round. Now I am kind of a pear shaped, with a lot of hang skin. I have weird folds of skin hang on my back when I stand up straight. So when I am kickboxing I sometime can feel it wiggling as I punch. The folds of skins hang off my legs feels weird when I run on the treadmill. When I walk it is not as noticeable, but running feels totally funny. My tummy that hangs down in front of me is called an apron. My apron is starting to have skin hanging on it as well. It also moves around allot more. When I do squat jumps in really flops up and slam down on my thighs. It makes them very hard to do. I finally can almost do jumping jacks, but with the apron not being as full as it was, when I tried to jump opening my legs it came slamming down on man parts so I can’t do the as it was like getting kicked in the nuts over and over again. So I had to let Damir know I can’t do that anymore. Gravity is a bitch.

I have made it into the 300’s. I weighed in last Friday at 399 that was an awesome feeling. The last month or so I have consistently lost 2 to 3 pounds a week. Although September it has been a more stressful month than most, I was able to pull though and lose the weight. As time goes on I am realizing that no matter what comes up if you stick to the plan as much as you can and do the work you can lose the weight.

A few weeks ago a driver came into work that has not been at the Wal-Mart in as very long time. He asked “what happen to the really big guy with the red Mohawk? Did he quit” I said no he is still here; it was me I lost over a hundred pounds. He was stunned; I don’t think he believed that it was me. That was a weird experience to have someone not recognizes me. It felt very good.

My workouts this week have been awesome. I have been pushing myself on the hamster wheel and not wining as much in my training sessions and classes. The pain is still there I am just pushing through it. Tuesday’s circuit may not have had a giant tire in me, but it was a very intense. Damir is in one of his crazy kick ass moods this week. There was a line in a TV. Show this week that best describes what it was like. It went something like this, he didn’t just kick Ryan and I ass, and he sprayed our ass with pledge and wipe the studio with it!!!

Stress

STRESS

The last few weeks I have learned more about myself and my weight loss journey then I have the in a long time. The first big thing that became clear to me is there are signs that my life style has completely changed. The biggest was how I now deal with stress. The last few weeks my stress level has been very high, from all aspects of my life. I dealt with the stress by diving into exercise, pushing hard on the hamster wheel and I did a few extra circuit training workouts on my own. I would love to say that I made it through the stress without turning to food but that would be a lie. I had a few weak moments, had some chocolate and 2 snack size bags of chips, however I did not binge. In fact there was a week there where my exercise log was at 12.5 hours. Turning to exercise to help with my stress was an awesome feeling.

The second big sign that my lifestyle has changed is that I can do allot more than I think I can. In the last week Damir has pushed me very hard! This week workouts have been an eye opener, the first thing that stands out is the amount of squats I did, the heavy weights I lifted, doing and enjoying Ben’s boot camp, going from lying on the ground to standing up using the TRX in Ben’s boot camp and that I ran on the treadmill at the highest setting I have ever done. So many big moments this week it was awesome.

Moving on, this week the biggest loser started and, I had a much different time watching the season premiere this year. It went like this right from the start, when they weighed in the guy would step on the scale and his weight would be 460 or so and I would think in my head I wish I was 460 and then a few minutes later it would hit me wait a sec I am much smaller than that. We would watch some more, and then some else would weigh in around 430 and I would again think I wish was I 430 then again a few minutes later it would hit me wait a sec I am much smaller than that. This is the first time I watched the season premiere and I was smaller the most of the guys in the ranch.

As I did break a few rules from my pledge so I will have to start limiting down the number of Coke Zero I have in a day, so I can attempt to go a month without it. Also I have done a few sets of burpees for negative self talk. I am going to reboot my pledge on Monday and going to give it all I can to try and make it to November following it.

Very soon I will be saying good bye to the 400’s and Next time I check in hopefully I will be in the 300’s! It is going to be an awesome few weeks coming up!!

The pledge

The pledge

It has been a tough couple of months although I have lost weight; I have not yet broke 400lbs. Also I have been just getting by staying on my food plan. So I am looking to make a change. Holly has inspired me, by going so long without sugar. I need to challenge myself to do better! So I think I need to pledge make a change and step it up a bit. So this is what I am going to do.

The rules

1. I will only eat Holly and Damir approved food for 60 days. From September 07 to November 07 (with only 2 exception I will continue to drink Coke Zero and on Sunday I can have 4 pieces of bacon.)

2. I will keep my food log up to date 100% of the time. Anyone at anytime can ask to see it, if it is not up to date I will have to do 15 burpees right there. So if I put it in my mouth I must log it. (Kristy, Meghan, Jen and Kim get your mind out of the gutter)

3. No Negative self talk! One of my biggest issues is negative self talk. If I am caught doing negative self talk I must do 15 burpees

4. I must do 5 hours of Cardio on top of my training and Classes a week.

If I break the first rule I will give up coke zero of a month, and I am sure Damir will have a fitness consequence. Damir and Holly may add or change any of the rules if they see fit.

I am 9 pounds from breaking 400lbs and 49 lbs from my Christmas goal. It may have taken me a year to lose the first 100lbs it will not take me a year to lose the second 100. Time for me to stand up and finish what I have started!